Something To Think About.

I used to be afraid of change. Now I’m catching myself waiting impatiently for it.

Wether that’s someone who’s grown, or someone who’s fallen in love with their captor, is a whole other topic.

I remember being thought change was a really good thing, and at the same time, I remember being warned that human nature naturally reacts to change treating it like a threat, and frankly, I can see why.

Anything different is unknown, unexplored, unstable, and that implies adjustment, adaptation, confrontation, mostly unpleasant phases to go through, or at least, unfamiliar.

Funny how the word “family” sneaked into this conversation. 

I might have to add, fully aware of how simplistic It’ll sound, that we don’t always fear change, we fear change specifically when when we feel comfortable in our present. Unproblematic, foreseeable, familiar present. There’s that word again.

I did catch myself provoking change before. Maybe in a desperate attempt to infuse a sense of control in this ever changing life we all have to deal with. Yet control didn’t seem to be exactly the place where I landed. I wondered if my decision was sharing the similar underlying logic of self-deprecating comedy, coating with wit and confidence situations that deep down, only make us feel sad. 

Sometimes I wonder wether change is sad, or wether sad is what it reminds us of: beautiful things that ended, people we crossed path with that are not in our lives anymore, distant melancholic childhood memories stained and ruined by later-revealed irresponsible and careless parents. 

Change might not be so bad. We might have learned to associate the wrong feelings to it. Change does make you grow, there’s no denying it, and if you wanna grow tall, you’ll have to switch it up way more that what you’d might deem appropriate (or bearable?).

Sometimes it’s important to remind ourselves that our past it’s not as present as it feels and that even if the future is uncertain there’s only so much we can do to make sure we embark ourselves in an hurt-less journey, before it precludes us from adding a new step to our ladder.

It won’t be hurt-less, it can’t be. It will be, but you have to remember two things: the present is all we can directly affect, therefore, you’ll think about it when it happens, no reason to fight invisible giants now. Second, when adversity will show up at your doorstep again, and it will, you won’t be the same person that faced it in the first place, you’re already not the same person you were just moments ago. 

I think this is really important, and I’m trying to teach myself that. It’s important to fear something that caused us harm, to the measure when we adjust our path so we’ll be able to avoid unpleasant, hurtful circumstances in the future, but that should be all that that fear is: an indicator that we have grown to know what doesn’t need to belong in our life, not an indicator of what we’re able to face or not, because unlike that past version of you, you have now learned something, and you will react to that situation differently. 

If you fear everything (and everyone) that caused you pain you will immobilize yourself, which is a shame, because that same emotion also lies at the base of what we all benefit from: motivation.

Fear turns to courage as fast as steam turns to a moving wheel, as long as you associate the right dynamic to it.

Fear is good. It doesn’t mean you can’t, if you’re afraid it means you have lived through something, so technically it means the opposite, that you can, simply because, your already could.

At least that’s what I learned. 

So I might have grown to love change, but not because I was looking for mercy. 

Just because the medicine tastes bad it doesn’t mean that it’s also bad for you.

Bones hurt when they break but also when they grow.

Voices break when they’re weak but also when you’ve been forced to be too strong.

Sensations can be misleading. What never seems to fail is trusting our instincts, and more famously, the process.

You know,

just something to think about.